Top 10 Tips for Revision during Easter Holidays

Here are our Top Tips for Holiday Revision, based on what we teach children in Schools who have a robust & relevant PSHE programme from Year 7 - Year 13.  Teenagers thrive on self-motivation.  What holds them back is feeling emotionally out of control (fear, anxiety, panic, uncertainty).  Once children have learnt how to self-regulate, they establish good mental habits which will work into adulthood too.  Print this off and help your child get into a good mental & emotional space.  

1. Get organised at the start of the Easter holidays.  Locate a good place to work (ideally NOT your bedroom).   You need an environment which:
1. Feels calm & under your control
2. Has no distractions (like wifi)
3. Separates work time from relaxing/chilling time.
2. Look after your brain:  Its like a muscle, if you were running a marathon, you would
1. Have a regular training plan
2. balance workouts with rest/downtime
3. Eat healthily & sleep well
4. Have FUN, see friends, boost happy chemicals  
3. Make a realistic plan (and ask for HELP with HOW to revise or specific subjects if you need it):
1. Divide your workload up into do-able revision sessions 
2. Decide how many days you have available
3. Make sure you have a decent rest from work (ideally a block of 5 days)  
4. Set daily work goals and reward yourself when you have achieved them.   This helps boost levels of motivation
5. Intersperse each study session with plenty of breaks.  Physical/outdoor activities boost mental activity & energy levels (get running, walking, biking, any sport or hobby – even if it is short 15 minute bursts)
6. Sleep  You need around 9 uninterrupted hours per night to perform well
1. Leave devices outside your room once you are ready to go to sleep
2. If you want to party/see friends, plan in advance & accept that the next day is not a revision day - Levels of focus/memory are affected by late nights & alcohol
3. Give yourself an hour of no screen before bed: Bath, Read, Chat instead
7. Food/Drinks  You are what you eat/drink.  Give your brain a healthy boost from now to exams       
8. Avoid screen-based distractions during your working slots  
1. Use device as a reward when you have completed revision for the day
2. You’re only kidding yourself if you “revise” for “the whole day”, when in fact your brain has been multitasking (Work, Revision, music, TV, Facebook, You Tube, Instagram, Xbox, Minecraft, Snapchat)
3. Screen based activities excite, tire, then dull your brain (like sugar highs/lows).  Your device is far more fun than revision, so you will need to exercise some self-control.
4. Work first, Play later.
9. End each day with a positive focus:  on what you have accomplished rather than on what you have not.  Remind yourself that you are developing effective work habits for life.  If you continue to feel worried, have a look at the Headspace App  
10.  Train your Mind to think about plans for each day & how to accomplish them.  Don’t allow it to get into the habit of worrying and ruminating on “What ifs?” because drama stokes anxiety/panic levels and affects your ability to work effectively

Find out more about helping your child become more emotionally resilient by attending our Course at Maudsley Learning in May 

Exam results - what if your child fails to make the grade?

 August 13^th & 20^th are emotional dates in the calendar – often depicted by jubilant smiling children waving glittering results.  But what about those children whose results are not up to scratch and their future looks less secure? How bad might it feel for a child who has been both protected from failure and from being objectively judged before now?  Children today face the additional emotional burden of public shame at the hands of social media.   Can parents help (or make things worse)?

The answer is Yes.  We now know, thanks to neurologial research, that the way parents (or primary carers) react, in this case to their child’s emotional meltdown, is crucially important.  Adult responses determine how quickly their child gets (emotionally) back on track, and it influences the way their child goes on to deal (psychologically) with future challenges and disappointments, in essence adults can subliminally support resilience & self worth. 

The ages between 10-25 are a period of massive brain change, where neurological pathways adapt and mould to fit day-to-day experiences (both situations and people).  The brain learns via mirror neurons, so what a parent says and what they do helps to establish behaviour patterns, which, if well trodden, like sheep tracks ultimately define (future) adult character. 

Parents with children about to open their results may want to know this so they can choose to have a clear plan, rather than leaving their reactions to chance. 

Things to bear in mind

·      When the limbic brain is in meltdown, the pre-frontal cortex shuts – so rational, logical discussion and reflection is not on the agenda.  At this age and stage, the ability to control subcortical feelings of rage, frustration, fear or anxiety is still Work In Progress in the teenage brain too.

·      On results day, Parents ideally should rein in either their frustrated, sympathetic or well-meaning cheerleader comments like: “Failing is good for you”  “So…what now?”  “I told you (subtext when you were glued to those screens) that you should be working!”  “There’s more to life than stupid A’Levels!”  “Don’t worry, you’ll be fine!” Because the teenage brain is black & white and self centred (for good reasons), criticism or brushing it off is likely to be heard as “I’m not important/I don’t matter”.

·      A proactive and effective adult response needs to acknowledge the sadness or frustration and wait for the right moment to have a “what would you like to do next” solution-focused discussion. 

·      This is a period of natural Separation & independence.  Parents can help by not becoming enmeshed in “the problem” and instead be an anchor & a safe haven whilst their child owns their disappointment & sadness.  This is a period of child development where the parent/child dynamic needs to undergo a power shift, moving from being The Manager (You do as I say) to The Consultant (I am here if you need my help/wisdom/counsel)

·      Peer Pressure is a natural biological imperative.  Survival mechanisms, under the control of primitive areas of the brain, drive adolescents to need to be part of a group.  Social media and on-line communicating exacerbates the sense of “You’re in” or “You’re excluded” leaving many children suffering from high levels of anxiety, in this case if they are excluded from exam celebrations & university plans.  Take care that their phone is not exacerbating feelings of low self-worth

According to research, the quality and style of parenting received by a child is a better predictor of success than anything else.  There is no perfect parenting approach, but there are certain qualities, which if evident in family life, can provide the ideal growing conditions for a child, stability being one of them.  As parents ourselves, we know that being a parent today has its challenges.  Information and practical strategies can be supportive and helpful.  We are holding a Day Course for parents of children aged 10-24 in London on 28^th September where parents can learn how to develop positive skills, self worth, resilience and confidence in their child.  We are pleased to be working in collaboration with Maudsley Learning, innovative leaders in accessible learning in mental health and wellbeing.  Help is at hand!     

Why SHOULD parents be concerned about pornography?

If parents can cast their mind back to the pre-internet days, it was almost impossible for most young children to stumble across porn, but if they did come across a magazine or pornographic photos, this might have satisfied the average teenage boy’s curiosity.  Nowadays live sex, rough sex, same/group sex etc are a click or two away on the house computer and millions of children (around 7 million) as young as 5 or 6 have stumbled accidentally on graphic images.   There are a number of statistics available, for instance:

• 3% of teenage boys and 17% of teenage girls have never seen internet porn, the rest may have occasionally looked at sites and others seek out such sites regularly.

Whatever the figures, the number of people viewing internet porn is growing faster in the UK than the rest of the world and the largest group of internet porn viewers are reputedly aged 12 – 17, the young, impressionably and easy to brainwash.   So if, like us, your children are this age, it’s time to take action.

Since 1995 the internet porn market has grown to an estimated 250 million pages/sites.

And brainwashing is exactly what is happening.  The teenage brain undergoes massive re-wiring, laying down behavioural templates, call them habits for the future.  The internal brain modifications are influenced by external experiences, impressions and memories which are banked in the brain.  During adolescence the brain becomes hard-wired resulting in your child developing their adult attitudes, values, core beliefs and personality.   

The more exciting, risky, arousing and exhilarating those experiences are, the greater the likelihood for addiction.   How?  It’s all to do with biochemical thrills.  Introduce the teenage brain to a biochemical rush via drugs, alcohol, food issues, self harming and the brain will wire itself up with receptors which need “feeding” with more of those feel good chemicals.   Watching porn results in a massive biochemical rush. 

During the teenage years the sexual template starts to develop.  In evolutionary terms dormant cells become activated by the innate human need to find a mate, commit and procreate - it is a powerful force of nature.   Adolescence is also a time of natural curiosity, experimentation, risk and the need to move away from family/home towards peers and other influences.   But while the accelerator is being applied, so is a teenager’s innate brake pedal at work – natural feelings of uncertainty, insecurity, fear, confusion, shyness, sometimes loneliness are present during this time.

Today’s young are under a lot of pressure (academic, performance, image, sexualisation etc) and the need to reduce stress is quite high.   Porn, alcohol, drugs, food, smoking and so forth work as de-stressors because they give you a "high", numb negative emotions, make one feel calmer and more socially at ease.   However these coping strategies tip, during the teenage years, very quickly from occasional usage into a habit and onto an addiction.

Porn is probably the new big concern parents should have in terms of addiction potential. What are the consequences? 

Their psychosocial development (mind/emotions/identity in a social environment) is affected, e.g. a boy’s sexual appetite/attitudes & practices develop within 3 years following first ejaculation.  So a 14 year old boy, experimenting with pornographic images for arousal in lieu of an actual relationship is affected by:

• Being massively de-sensitised whereby he can only get aroused by the images/practices stored in his newly formed memory bank as opposed to having an actual relationship

• Developing a skewed attitude towards girls, relationships and expectations.

So if we wish our children in the long-term to have the potential to form a “normal” healthy relationship - with one person, which develops slowly, is based on trust, respect, love, commitment - then exposure to porn prior to this time needs to be avoided.  

Counselling Services are a source of up-to-the-minute issues as they are working at the coal face and from what we hear there is a massive rise in young men, in their 20s who are seeking help because they are unable to have a normal sexual relationship, and worse, some can’t be bothered. 

And your daughter?  We live in a sexually charged culture, and she is impressionable and sensitive to outside influences.  We can’t ban TV or the Internet, and with books like “50 Shades…” becoming best sellers and MTV’s inappropriate music videos, the general sense girls imbibe is that media celebrates beauty and sexy, promising popularity, attention and success.  

The concerns amongst parents we talk to is that our children (e.g. age 13) are getting involved in age-inappropriate activities, at parties, sleepovers or in homes where there are no parents present (eg after school), and the pornographic nature of their activities demonstrates the powerful influence of media/internet. 

So what can parents do?  A lot – but here are a few ideas:

• Get computer savvy: find out about internet controls and firewalls, restrict Adult Cable TV and explain why you feel it appropriate to place restrictions at home

• No teenage boy has inbuilt self-control, and certainly not when with his peer group and it is late at night…..

• Educate your children to protect themselves, logging on to dodgy sites means that you can be traced via your IP address

• Talk to your teenagers and find out what their view ARE on pornography, hopefully you may be reassured by their attitudes and choices. 

• Don’t avoid embarrassing topics and leave things to chance – Dads MUST start talking to their sons!  Your influence now is important, otherwise he is at the mercy of what is going on in society.

• Help your daughter to see that trading sexual “favours” to gain acceptance & popularity is social suicide long-term.  Some things have not changed, boys may want more from girls, today’s girls may be willing to deliver, but their label/reputation will last forever

• Appreciate her innate qualities at home in order that she can nurture her self-respect, don’t let her acquire admiration from her peer group by being included in activities which do not accord with her values

• Role model respectful loving communicative relationships at home so they have an innate sense of what a healthy relationship looks like